The Tears of Morgana Pendragon
by AnnCarter
Summary: When Morgana faced Merlin for the first time, he made a choice not to reveal the truth about his magic. He made her who she was. What would have happened if he'd have told her the truth? [Set in the end of 3X02 The Tears of Uther Pendragon II] [Hinted Merlin/Morgana]


**AN:** Dreaming about Merlin tonight made me realise just how much I'd missed it... so I watched it and then that sort of happened.

 _All rights for Merlin are the BBC's. I own nothing._

* * *

"Morgana, please, I beg you." He said quietly, hoping he could still reach her after everything she'd gone through. "Women and children are dying. The city will fall."

"Good." She replied angrily.

"No, you don't mean that." He desperately wanted to believe that; to believe she still had some goodness within her. She had to; he knew she did.

"I have magic, Merlin," She snapped, clearly believing her words would surprise him. They didn't; he knew it even before she did. Gaius did, too. "Uther hates me and everyone like me; why should I feel any differently about him?"

Looking at her, Merlin saw himself. Three years earlier, just three years, he came to Gaius with the exact same argument, demanding to know why he had magic if he couldn't use it; said the exact same thing to Kilgharrah, saying he had no desire to see Arthur surviving when he was such a prat who despised magic. Those three years felt like an eternity, but at the same time, too short to believe how he'd changed.

But he had Gaius and Kilgharrah; she had nobody.

"You of all people could change Uther's mind!" He responded just as passionately. "But doing this, using magic like this, would only harden his heart!"

"You don't have magic." Her voice was disdainful. "How can you hope to understand?!"

"I do understand, believe me!" He burst, almost yelling. Understanding what he'd just said, he turned silent, looking at her with an unconcealed pain. "If I had your gift, I would harness it for good. That's what magic should be for; that's why you were born with these powers." His voice was quieter, filled with pain and desperation.

"You don't know what it's like to be an outsider; to be ashamed of how you were born; to have to hide who you are." _I do, Morgana,_ He tried to tell her wordlessly. _What do you think I've been doing for the past three years?_ "Do you think I deserve to be executed for who I am?" She continued quietly, her voice cold and bitter, as if she was challenging him to say yes.

"No," He replied just as quietly, shaking his head. "It doesn't have to be like this."

Morgana's eyes filled with pain once again, and for a moment he could see the terrified young woman he sent to the Droids nearly two years earlier. She was still in there, trying to find the answers no one could give her.

"We can find another way," He whispered.

Her eyes turned cold once again, hiding the real Morgana underneath. "There is no other way."

His mind raced as he watched her. She watched him just as intently, following his every move. She would defend the Staff in whichever way she'd have to, and he knew it now.

"What did Morgause did to you, Morgana?" He asked her softly.

"She showed me the truth." She responded immediately. "She showed me the evil within Uther. She showed me what I could be and why he must be stopped. Why Camelot must fall!"

"What about Arthur?" He continued. "Arthur, who's been like a brother to you? Arthur, who cared for you, who did everything he could to find you?" He paused, seeing the tiniest hint of hesitation in her eyes. "What about him?"

"He's just the same as his father," She hissed.

"How can you believe that, Morgana?" His voice was growing more and more urgent as they kept circling around one another. "He helped Mordred escape, remember? Even though he was a Droid and Uther would have executed him." She shook her head slightly, trying to deny the fact he was right. "What about Gwen?" He continued mercilessly, reminding her all the good she used to see in Camelot. "Gwen, who was always there for you? How many times did she save you?"

"Gwen has another choice," Her voice was somewhat softer as she spoke of her best friend. "Gwen will be welcomed in the new land we will create!"

He ignored her. Taking a step towards her, he continued, his voice growing more and more confident with every word he'd said. "What about the children, Morgana? What about all the innocent lives your skeletons are now taking? Where is the Morgana who couldn't watch a single man being executed for no reason? Where is the Morgana who saved Mordred despite Uther's order not to, because she couldn't watch a child dying?" _And it was all my mistake,_ He found himself thinking. _If I'd have just listened to Kilgharrah and ensured Morderd's death, she wouldn't have been in this situation._

"You don't know what it's like!" She yelled at him desperately. "Morgause is the only one I have! My sister!"

He stared at her for a moment before lowering his eyes. "You're not alone here, Morgana," He said quietly. She laughed bitterly. "You're not." _She was alone, and instead of helping her, I pushed her right to their hands._ "This was never your fault-"

"How could it be-?"

"It was mine."

Looking up at her at last, he saw both shock and suspicion in her eyes. "What?"

His blue eyes lit up in fire as he slowed down the progression of the world around them, the way he did when Gaius fell the day he met him. Her eyes narrowed. She knew something was different all of a sudden, but couldn't quite tell what it was. She still didn't realise.

"You take Morgause's path as the true one because you can't see another one, but there _is_. The only reason you do it is because I pushed you to her." She opened her mouth to argue, but he continued. "I sent you to the Droids when I could help you myself. When I _should have_ helped you myself. We thought it would be too dangerous, but if I'd have just done that, all this could have been avoided." Fascinated to his words, Morgana didn't notice he took another step towards her. "Even when you see the future, you never know what you did – or didn't do – to make it happen. But I do now."

"What do you mean?" Her eyes were filled with fear and confusion, but underneath them he could still see the Morgana he knew. It was now or never.

He extended his hand towards her and she pulled back immediately, raising her sword. He didn't try to reach her, but instead whispered a soft word and watched her eyes widen as she saw the flame shining above his palm.

"I can help you, Morgana." He said quietly. "But you have to stop it now, before it's too late."

"You have magic," She whispered.

He nodded briefly. "Yes."

"How long?"

He hesitated for a moment before lowering his hand, letting the flame die in the process. "Since I was born."

"Then you of all people should join us." She lowered her sword, taking a step towards him to welcome him. "You of all people should help us destroy Uther and create a better land for creatures of magic!"

He shook his head. "This isn't the right way, Morgana." He looked at her quietly for a long moment, his eyes glued to hers. "I thought it was, believe me. But Arthur... Arthur is everything we need." Her eyes filled with contempt. "Do you think I'd have saved him if I didn't know he'd be different than his father?"

"You can't know."

"It's his destiny," He said simply. "And it's been written long before he was even born. But he needs us there with him." She hesitated, and he knew he finally managed to reach her. "He needs us to help him see the goodness in magic. Just like you and I need each other to survive in Camelot until he's crowned king."

"Morgause..." She started, her grip on her sword loosening.

"I can help you," He whispered, reaching out for her again. She didn't move this time. "We can help each other. We can change everything here. But you need to stop the killing. You need to remember who you are, who you were before Morgause filled your mind with these poisonous ideas."

"What makes you think I wouldn't just kill you?" The bitter sorceress Morgause tried to create made one last attempt to burst out.

"I know you." He gently gripped her wrist. She dropped her sword, tears filling her eyes. "And I know Camelot would never survive to become what it's meant to be without you. Camelot needs you." He hesitated for a heartbeat before whispering, " _I_ need you."

Her tears now streaming down her cheeks, she let go. He pulled her to him, hugging her tightly. "I'm here, Morgana. I should have been here the very first time you needed help, but I'm here now. Don't let the things Morgause told you stand in the way of who you are."

"But Uther..."

"Uther doesn't need to know." He insisted quietly. "Just like he doesn't know about me. And when he dies, and Arthur becomes king... Everything will change."

She stiffened in his arms and the pulled back. Frowning, he quickly picked a spell that would stop her in case he had to. She grabbed her sword again and raised it, and he started whispering it, preparing to fight for his life – when she turned around and hit the Staff. Seeing it wouldn't break, she did it again, just as Merlin whispered the spell she needed to break it.

When it was cut in half, she dropped her sword and turned back to him. He hugged her once again. "You made the right choice," He whispered in her ear as they sat down on the floor near the broken Staff. "It's alright, Morgana. It's all going to be alright."

She nodded against his shoulder, crying silently as he kept whispering soft promises about what the future holds for them.


End file.
